Wednesday, October 7, 2015

dx/dt (ME) dt = Definition of my understanding over time

2 years 7 months : I have been with a long journey with you.
I never thought I could have you who will able to stay with me for so long through up and down.
Before entering army, OCS oversea training, all those tough times.....

I MISS YOU A LOT, but I don't know why I am forcing myself not to contact you much from now
I really don't know, the only reason I could think of is the time to commit 
That really stop me....
There is really no one I could talk about this, I want you but I am not making you happy
Yes I think back I want you because you can give me the love
And the love I want is really a lot
Because is love, love that really make my feel better

I changed and I keep changing, I demanded more, I couldn't really find someone who could understand what's in my mind now
It just couldn't be explained

I think I might now fully understand you but I want to say what I know about you...

A girl who is capable to do stuff
A girl who changed me because she want me to look better
A girl who want her partner to spend time with her after work and especially in the weekend
A girl who is initiative and hardworking to plan for the outing, plan for trip
A girl who keep trying her best to accommodate her boyfriend
A girl who have a kind heart 
A girl who always wanted to look good especially in her appearance 
A girl who take my words seriously and more important than her own parents
A girl who will learn to adapt , accept , compromise me
A girl who is always happy
A girl who wanted a simple me
A girl who got affected a lot by the comment i said, but she act like she doesn't
A girl who throw in almost all her heart into this relationship
A girl who say she don't mind me texting other girl, dating other girl but she minds
A girl who sometimes enjoy doing something yet she doesn't show   
A girl who will keep herself into a very simple person when she is with me
A girl who will show no interest in talking or to do anything when she is hungry
A girl who used to enjoy cafe food weekly
A girl who only enjoy sweet foods and drinks
A girl who is just like any other person on the earth who need attention
A girl who used to having attention in social media
A girl who is serious in relationship
A girl who will feel frustrated if she get confused and will make an indecisive decision
A girl who is meant to be love
A girl who will enjoy her life
A girl who is able to give me love

Now this is me,
I only want the love you give me because that's the best love that don't cost anything
It is the shortest and fastest way of communication I can express it to you
It is all I have
I am lazy, I procrastinate a lot, I don't even thinking most of the time
I held on to you is because I got the best out of you and I believe no one else could do that for me

If i am single 2 years back,
I will have saved 10k plus in my saving,
More time doing nothing,
Nothing to worry but always emo about not having a girlfriend
Never dare to lay my hand on girl even just to take a photo
Enjoy texting multiple girls,talk to girl and flirt to girl ,date all the girl like any other guy do
Enjoy all my time at home playing computer games
Work and work to save more money
No girl will be able to accept me because my attire
A emo boy 
Always finding to get the love that I wanted since young and will keep hunting..

But the differences of being attached are,
I do not have any saving at all now
I gained experience about relationship
I have someone who always so concern about me
I have the love life I have been finding for so long
I understand girl slightly more than before
I realize the presence of the other half when doing something most of the time now
I feel the love and it is spread to my family
I can see the happiness of my family because of her
I get to go oversea with all the itinerary planned 
I learn to eat cafe food
I know what to wear to make myself look slightly better than before
I spend time with her compared to still hunting for girl in be in this position
I am dependent of my girl

Meeting once a week, just like any other guy?
I guess I have taken too many advantages in this relationship, from time to everything that could be thought of.
Things will be different from now, I created it, 
I am sorry

The only thing I think all guy want is really just a sexy girlfriend with a pretty face.
Guess I have watched too much and it have spoiled my brain that it couldn't leave my mind end of the day
Guess guys are greedy in sex while ladies are greedy in love
That's the conclusion for a relationship...

Mind have to control your body~
Don't let it take over...

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