Thursday, June 16, 2016


On 16062016 , 9.15pm at Serangoon Nex - Mac while I bought an ice cream for me and her...
Few days before on 10052016 to 12062016 it was a trip to Gemas and we traveled to melacca,
at the end of the trip we were mad at each other due to the lum sum of accumulation of misunderstanding always been unsolved....

My 2nd Aunt gave us two dumplings for us to eat on the train because it was the dumpling period.
Day before we board the train to JB, we have promise to ate dinner at JB so it goes like....
We were about 1 hour more journey to reach and I find that the dumpling is a kind of sincerity by my aunt so I decided to eat one of it and left one. I ask her if she want it but she refuse me and so I ask her then later we should eat at JB she also refuse saying she want go back SG immediately when we arrive.
This was a misunderstanding... because she refuse to eat dumpling because she want to eat dinner and she think that after I consumed the dumpling I am full so she got bit angry and decided to go back SG straight away. 
Then I was thinking since she not eating already might as well I just finished the dumpling and so we can go back straight away. After I eaten it, she got even more pissed off and suddenly she change her mind say she wanted to eat at JB. If the above statement was made clear before everything I guess thing will be solved but is all my fault for not giving her enough attention for this to happen.

I also started not to give in already which is a bad sign which we first fight over in the message,
then I realise over fighting over in the message we have so much thing inside us keeping it in ourself and not letting the opposite side know which result in the end a break for us...

16062016 was the period I joined a competition regarding solar power at Science Center, travelling down to visit her uncle who was hospitalize and then we went to Serangoon Nex.... then everything just ended..

This is what I learnt and I wish people dont abuse relationship or give up in relationship

The night, I had a dream of her visiting my house and my mum and elder sister treat her even better than before ..... then I woke up i realised everything was gone...
I went for a jog...... when I was back at my house looking down from the height of 11th floor, I realise something...

I know why people commit suicide already because it take so much effort which is maybe years or maybe even their whole life to climb or to build from 1st floor to 11th floor and it just take seconds to to make everything goes back to square one which is losing everything... and start from 1st floor again.

I feel that she will be the only one and is good enough already, I wont able get the another girl who is better than her so I have been keep the relationship while during these 3 years she have been mention breaking up for like 3- 4 times, then finally I realise maybe I have been dragging it for too long already. To be honest I am confuse about love now, I doesnt know what it is really meant because I never do much action about it keep dragging everything and just keep talking without doing...

I will be in Shanghai for internship from 06072016 to 20122016 in a company named Floteq.
I wont give up on life instead I should be more motivated to do more things now...
Relationship no longer a priority now.... it is just a bonus because I know I wont able to sustain it at most I only know how to start it that's all...

Just glad that it ended peacefully and wasn't a fight so we stay as friend from now on....
1194 days... 3 years 3 months 6 days ...

7.26am 17062016
Sign off~

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Good bye to these 3 years precious

It was a sudden morning that i was asked where to eat for Saturday due to she, forgetting her bestie bday and i answer it as going to a better place compare to hwaker center...

Then she with all the accumulation of dislike of my side and hate... feeling that these r/s is dragging on ...

So we decided to end it .... from 930am-1040am
The conversation last it tat long and she say that the r/s is truly boring and we only engage in real conversation only when we "quarrel'

So it ended and both going to focus on studies...
She started her University on 16 Jan 2016
Just a day to remember the days .....
from 11 March 2013 - 21 Jan 2016...

R/S is not a simple and easy thing, it might be at first but it wont be at last...... Precaution..
My first r/s and it lasted so long....
lesson learnt - "never change someone into your need or wants"....

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Protection is a process of a personal's growth delay

How many times in life you felt that you are right but there are many people out there say you are wrong?
How many times do you admit you are wrong than blaming others that they are wrong?

Compromise? Giving in? Don't care? Deserve what you are having now?
To be honest, if there is just one time you start to compromise? U will keep doing it.
If you start to care lesser, you will keep doing it and accumulate making it as a norm.

Stress changes a person, if you don't let the person feel it , nothing will happen
Don't let stress take over you, don't let time take over you but let you yourself to control every single things around you. Maybe there are too many things to consider when you grow older but you still have to learn it and get use to changes and not get used to not having changes...

Moment that you are not changing shows tat you are not growing you are not learning but you are staying on the same place same spot.

Un-learn which is restart from what you have been learning, have been experiencing is not an easy task. Therefore ones should always keep educating themselves by learning things even though he or she is working. Reason is simple, experience can be right or wrong, end of the day you must be able to accept the fact that your experience might be wrong, be willing to change your "long term right experiences" and to improve from it.

P/S- Positive , Possibility .

Friday, October 9, 2015

Guys period

I believe girls have their period
Guys have too, guy just need to jerk it off to make them feel better after some period of time.
And what do you feel after it is "work done"(wd)?
If you are watching some video to get you wd with what you are doing , do you feel disgusting afterwards?
Do you feel that after wd ,you are like wasting your time don't know doing what shit?
How do you feel about it?

To me I feel shit, but it just have to be done this way
Since young and it will just remain this way till you get old
Man is horny by nature, and weird thing is why?
Sometimes it control you mind, when that feeling get too strong...
The biggest challenge in all guy I believe is to NOT TAKE OVER CONTROL BY YOUR BODY...
Always remember .... MIND OVER BODY!!!

Stop watching, stop thinking, just get over it ~

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

dx/dt (ME) dt = Definition of my understanding over time

2 years 7 months : I have been with a long journey with you.
I never thought I could have you who will able to stay with me for so long through up and down.
Before entering army, OCS oversea training, all those tough times.....

I MISS YOU A LOT, but I don't know why I am forcing myself not to contact you much from now
I really don't know, the only reason I could think of is the time to commit 
That really stop me....
There is really no one I could talk about this, I want you but I am not making you happy
Yes I think back I want you because you can give me the love
And the love I want is really a lot
Because is love, love that really make my feel better

I changed and I keep changing, I demanded more, I couldn't really find someone who could understand what's in my mind now
It just couldn't be explained

I think I might now fully understand you but I want to say what I know about you...

A girl who is capable to do stuff
A girl who changed me because she want me to look better
A girl who want her partner to spend time with her after work and especially in the weekend
A girl who is initiative and hardworking to plan for the outing, plan for trip
A girl who keep trying her best to accommodate her boyfriend
A girl who have a kind heart 
A girl who always wanted to look good especially in her appearance 
A girl who take my words seriously and more important than her own parents
A girl who will learn to adapt , accept , compromise me
A girl who is always happy
A girl who wanted a simple me
A girl who got affected a lot by the comment i said, but she act like she doesn't
A girl who throw in almost all her heart into this relationship
A girl who say she don't mind me texting other girl, dating other girl but she minds
A girl who sometimes enjoy doing something yet she doesn't show   
A girl who will keep herself into a very simple person when she is with me
A girl who will show no interest in talking or to do anything when she is hungry
A girl who used to enjoy cafe food weekly
A girl who only enjoy sweet foods and drinks
A girl who is just like any other person on the earth who need attention
A girl who used to having attention in social media
A girl who is serious in relationship
A girl who will feel frustrated if she get confused and will make an indecisive decision
A girl who is meant to be love
A girl who will enjoy her life
A girl who is able to give me love

Now this is me,
I only want the love you give me because that's the best love that don't cost anything
It is the shortest and fastest way of communication I can express it to you
It is all I have
I am lazy, I procrastinate a lot, I don't even thinking most of the time
I held on to you is because I got the best out of you and I believe no one else could do that for me

If i am single 2 years back,
I will have saved 10k plus in my saving,
More time doing nothing,
Nothing to worry but always emo about not having a girlfriend
Never dare to lay my hand on girl even just to take a photo
Enjoy texting multiple girls,talk to girl and flirt to girl ,date all the girl like any other guy do
Enjoy all my time at home playing computer games
Work and work to save more money
No girl will be able to accept me because my attire
A emo boy 
Always finding to get the love that I wanted since young and will keep hunting..

But the differences of being attached are,
I do not have any saving at all now
I gained experience about relationship
I have someone who always so concern about me
I have the love life I have been finding for so long
I understand girl slightly more than before
I realize the presence of the other half when doing something most of the time now
I feel the love and it is spread to my family
I can see the happiness of my family because of her
I get to go oversea with all the itinerary planned 
I learn to eat cafe food
I know what to wear to make myself look slightly better than before
I spend time with her compared to still hunting for girl in be in this position
I am dependent of my girl

Meeting once a week, just like any other guy?
I guess I have taken too many advantages in this relationship, from time to everything that could be thought of.
Things will be different from now, I created it, 
I am sorry

The only thing I think all guy want is really just a sexy girlfriend with a pretty face.
Guess I have watched too much and it have spoiled my brain that it couldn't leave my mind end of the day
Guess guys are greedy in sex while ladies are greedy in love
That's the conclusion for a relationship...

Mind have to control your body~
Don't let it take over...

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Predicted life after ORD

After ORD back to study, I believe that is what everyone will do.
The feeling after ORD is definitely couldn't be describe but be prepared to face more challenges outside SAF.

I always think that I was good, got GPA-3.64 in poly, have a good girlfriend, got into OCS and get a placing in NTU. It just sounds so perfect, couldn't know that it was really tough for me now in university.I got into Electrical electronics engineering in NTU, I though I could score like how i did in poly but it is not going to happen anymore. Life is completely different now.

I am so confident that I will be better than others with the ways i do my stuff but sadly NO. I though I can juggle well between my work and my lifestyle but i realise I am lost now, I see the differences in me, I know I still able to make it and make a change now but I seems to be pessimistic once again.
University wasn't a simple life, please be ready to face the worst stage of your life.

When someone live their life with worries, fear. The person is highly going to get some depression and result in having negative thoughts.

I love a girl, it had been 2 years plus together. But what is love? What I did today? What I have done so far? Is the girl feel happy in the first place? It is unknown, am I happy with my life? It is unknown.

There was once someone told me this, if you feel that you are busy now while you are studying, do not expect that when you are working outside you will be free to learn and do the things you want. The amount of stress, responsibility is going to be more. The graph of your life is just going to be descending all the way. Sometimes you can be optimistic but still have to be realistic if not you are just being naive and you are cheating yourself...

I hope there is something or someone that could enlighten me now...

Honestly, other than appearances not being perfect, I feel my girl is consider the best.She is someone who could really do almost everything for me, she had changed, she have grown up, she still choose to stay with me.
I disappointed her, I feel that I have been slacking my life away, with no aims in life out of a sudden. A life that look like is going to be bright but wasn't , life wasn't simple anymore
I always wanted a simple life, to live with no worries..
I think I haven't overcome what I supposed to, I always procrastinate. I knew my mistake but I let other things taking control over me....
I need that Fire in me, Where are u?

... .. . . .. ...
If fire wasn't exist in your body, GET IT ON FIRE !!

Love wasn't simple anymore
Life wasn't simple anymore
Mind wasn't just that simple anymore

Work/Life balance?